I Just Like Funny Shit

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
peachdoxie
thevastnessof

/sees fossils of older dinosaur and baby dinosaurs intertwined in a way that implies the adult died crouching over the nest trying to protect them from a natural disaster/ oh my god it died crouching over the nest trying to protect them from a natural disaster 😭

thevastnessof

it’s about the permanency of an act made in love (or the closest thing they could experience) by an individual animal that existed before our farthest human ancestors ever walked the earth. love is real and time didn’t let them be forgotten

morriganwarrior

If I remember correctly, in Pompeii, there is a woman trying to shield a child with her own body and there is a man like 2-3 feet away, with his back to the doorway and arms outstretched like he was a second away from shielding the woman and child. It may have been a grandmother and her neighbor shielding the grandson, or a mother shielding her daughter as her husband ran to her, or even two elder siblings rushing to protect the baby. While we do not know the specifics, we know two people cared so much about somebody else that when it seemed the world was on fire and the gods had abandoned them, they were still willing to die trying to save someone else.

I think about that every so often.

yourscreechingruinscollector

@wearepaladin

I've been sad about pompeii for fifteen years straight
peachdoxie
fanonical

post-apocalyptic gang like the kings, the gang that worship elvis from fallout new vegas, except they’re all skaters who worship tony hawk

galahadwilder

Addendum: none of them know what he looked like

therealbeachfox

What did The Hawk look like? He looked like you. You look like Him. We all look like Him. The Hawk was always told “You look like Tony Hawk”, but no one ever thought He was The Hawk. So we can only presume that everyone looks like The Hawk. He is the commonality of all humanity. 

The commonality of all humanity that does sick shreds.

libraford

Tony Hawk is a member of the gang, they just dont know it.

peachdoxie
unpretty

“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it

unpretty

The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.

According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.

Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.

Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.

Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.

They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.

The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.

She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.

Born 2018.

Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?

Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.

Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.

Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.

“Eyup,” Martha agreed.

“Don’t look government.”

“Nope.”

“We burying him?”

“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”

“You sure? Looks heavy.”

“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”

Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.

Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.

Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.

Keep reading

hot damn pardon me while I cry a little
jelloapocalypse
prokopetz

The Smash Bros. cast swapping anecdotes about their various evil doppelgangers and Mario getting into an argument about whether Wario counts.

princeps-civitatus-peach

Surprisingly, Mario is arguing that Wario does not count as he has literally never made that connection in his life. You can’t just say every fat italian in overalls is a Mario counterpart, he’s his own person with hopes and dreams. Evil hopes and dreams, but still.

Daisy, meanwhile, manages to argue very convincingly that Peach should be considered her evil doppelganger.

aromancy

Wario is playing Devil’s advocate because being Mario’s evil doppleganger is great for business. If he was just some guy, nobody would buy Warioware.

skeletalheartattack

image

@kamenriderhamo i am not going to let you hide this in the replies